The Grandmother Friend
My friends have recently informed me that I am—and I quote—“an eighty-five-year-old woman.”
Which is hilarious because, honestly, they’re not wrong.
I’ve always considered myself to be a “mom friend.” As a firstborn, my natural tendency is to look after those around me, to make sure everyone has everything they need, and to ensure we have all our ducks in a row before we go out (as mothers do).
But with other “mom friends” in my peer group, I’ve decided to embrace a new identity: the grandmother friend.
What does a “grandmother friend” look like, exactly?
Well, in my case, she . . .
uses phrases like “my former suitors” and “visiting my old haunts”
eats oatmeal with flaxseed every morning for breakfast
takes four to six supplements with every meal
brings slippers with her wherever she goes because her feet are always cold
complains about her joints
carries tissues in her pockets at all times
bakes her own bread
prefers peppermint tea to fancy coffee
attends a tiny Baptist church with thirty-odd congregants
sings in the choir
demonstrates her love for you through baking
owns an extensive library of classical novels (If a book’s not at least 100 years old, is it really that good?)
knows a repertoire of hymns from the 1700s - 1900s
loves kids even though she’s not currently raising any of her own
What is the Role of a Grandmother?
"Teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind . . ." (Titus 2:3-5, NIV)
All jokes aside, I like the idea of being a “grandmother friend.”
With one of my grandmothers passing away last August and the other moving in with us unexpectedly this month, I’ve been reflecting on the value of a good maternal mentor: someone to teach you practical life skills, to model homemaking and family values—someone to share her heart and her wisdom with you.
A grandmother is a precious gift.
Because my relationship with my paternal grandmother was a complicated one, her death last summer was difficult for me. I didn’t get to say “farewell” or “I love you” the way I wanted to.
There were many things I never got to say . . . things I wanted to explain, topics I wish we could have talked through.
But now she’s gone, and those things remain unsaid.
I miss my grandmother. She comes to mind at the most unexpected times—when I’m sorting through old birthday cards, getting ready for bed, or waiting on a senior lady at work—and then grief sweeps over me like a pounding wave.
(Excuse me while I compose myself for a second . . .)
It’s too late for me to reconnect with my Nan, but it’s not too late for me to start thinking about what kind of grandmother I want to be someday. Now is the time for me to develop healthy habits—physical, spiritual, and relational—that will serve me well into my twilight years.
Yes, getting my daily dose of fibre and watching my caffeine intake is important, but even more important is the way I invest in my relationships.
Some of my girlfriends are five or six years younger than I am, which means I have the opportunity to speak into their lives with the wisdom I have gained throughout the challenges of my twenties.
I know, I know . . . Twenty-six is not that old.
When I disclosed my age to a new acquaintance last week, her response was, “Oh! You’re just a baby!”
(It felt good to hear that, not gonna lie.)
I haven’t even had my first kiss yet, let alone children and grandchildren.
But I have had my fair share of heartaches. And I’m old enough now to see my younger self in some of my friends. I listen to the way they talk about things like dating and marriage, and my heart twinges at the memory of my starry-eyed days.
Ah yes, I think, I remember what it was like to be nineteen and naïve . . .
With the wisdom and discernment I’ve gained throughout my life’s struggles, I want to be a good mentor to others embarking on their journeys into adulthood. I want to walk alongside them, to share in their sorrows and heartbreaks, and to offer them words of encouragement and hope.
I don’t just want to be that old-fashioned friend with traditional values. I also want to be:
someone you turn to for wisdom and guidance
a listening ear you can trust with your deepest sorrows
the one you can talk to about your crush, your heartbreak, or your struggles with singleness because you know she understands
a source of mental and emotional support
a spiritual leader
a comforting presence for the anxious and heavy-hearted
So, whether you need a freshly baked cookie or a good heart-to-heart, give me a call. I’ll put the kettle on for you.
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