Dear Allana,
An open letter to my younger self
Saturday, April 27, 2024
Dear Allana,
Today marks the seventh anniversary of your first break-up. An odd thing to commemorate, I know. But I have been anticipating this milestone for several months now, knowing what a tremendous decision that break-up was for you.
It represented far more than the end of an ill-advised relationship. It was, on a much deeper level, an act of surrender.
Today, you chose to surrender your hopes and dreams, releasing your grip on a dying fantasy so that you could take hold of a greater reality.
Right now, the fear of never finding anyone else to love you is terrifying. I understand that.
But, darling, I am so proud of you.
You brave, sweet girl, this is not the end. This is only the beginning. As C.S. Lewis would say, “There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”1
Let me offer you a glimpse of what’s to come:
In a little less than a year, you are going to fulfill your life-long dream of playing Susan Pevensie in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.
Brace yourself for three sold-out shows, girl.
Next year, you will be cast in the theatrical role you never knew you always wanted: Captain Black Stache of Peter & the Starcatcher.
Spoiler Alert: He may or may not steal the show.
In the spring of 2019, you’ll graduate with Honours, securing the highest academic standing in your class for the second year in a row and proudly representing your fellow graduates as their 2019 valedictorian.
You smart cookie, you.
In the summer of 2019, you’ll embark on a new adventure, flying across the country to pursue graduate studies in British Columbia.
Grad school will push you out of your comfort zone, testing your mental and emotional limits. It won’t be easy, smart girl, but you will learn and grow and make some of the most precious friendships of your entire life.
And then, in the blink of an eye, your entire world is going to grind to a halt.
March 2020 will mark the beginning of the hardest season of your life. Over the next three years, you will face isolation, political chaos, social stigma, family drama, and seemingly endless crises.
But be not afraid, brave girl. You know the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.2
Yes, you will face discrimination and rejection. You will lose friends. You will feel like your life is falling apart.
But along the way, you will develop strength and courage you never knew you possessed.
You will make new friends, more than you’ve ever had before.
And you will find a new path in life.
After two grueling years of graduate school and a mascara-stained emotional breakdown, you will rediscover your long-lost passion for writing, abandon your best-laid plans, and pursue your Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing (graduating with High Distinction, no less, because you’re smarter than you give yourself credit for).
Beautiful girl, this day of tears is not the end. There is so much life yet to be lived.
As for your fears of remaining single . . .
Believe it or not, in a few years, men will fall in love with you at first sight, strangers will ask you for your number, and friends will develop crushes on you.
I know that seems incredible. Some days I still don’t understand it myself. But if there’s one piece of relational wisdom I want to impart to you, it’s this:
Stop wasting your time on guys who aren’t interested in you.
Stop bending over backward for men who don’t give you a second thought.
You deserve to be pursued, Allana. Don’t settle for less than God’s best.
More importantly . . .
Please, girl, stop lamenting the one thing you think you’re missing and start celebrating all the blessings that God has poured out on you.
You are loved more deeply than you realize. Your life is overflowing with goodness. If you had clung to that dying relationship, you would have missed out on all this and so much more.
Would you really trade all of this—the ups, the downs, the great adventure—for one guy who didn’t even like you?
I can’t promise that this breakup will open the door to your fairytale romance, but it will prepare your heart for a divine romance. The King of the universe is desperately in love with you, and He’s willing to move heaven and earth to prove it.
Let Him woo you, darling. His love is sweeter, kinder, and more satisfying than anyone else’s. Give Him your broken heart, child. There’s no one more trustworthy.
Trust me on that one.
Sincerely,
Allana Lynn
P.S. You’re beautiful, by the way. I know you don’t see that right now, but someday you will.
C.S. Lewis, from a letter to Mary Willis Shelburne, written June 17, 1963 (The Collected Letters of C.S. Lewis, Vol. 3)
James 1:3-4, NIV
Beautiful sweetheart. Remember you are a daughter of the most high King 👑. His banner over you is love. Hanging on to “7” (aka (completeness) with you. 8 is new beginnings.
Oh, this is so beautiful and I relate with it SO much as a single, Jesus-loving lady who went through her own heartbreak. Thank you for sharing. 🤍