Immeasurable Love
The Numbers Game: The Grand Finale
Now That’s What I Call Healing
Yesterday morning, after finishing my strength training workout, I pulled two slices of homemade pizza out of the fridge and sat down for lunch.
Halfway through the first slice, I paused mid-bite. I looked down at my plate and hearkened back to two anxiety-inducing slices of cheese pizza I nearly forced myself to purge seven years ago.
A smile flickered at the corner of my lips as the Ghost of Pizza Past flashed before my eyes.
Never again.
Never again would I even consider sticking my fingers down my throat and forcing myself to regurgitate food.
Never again would I intentionally starve myself.
Never again would I allow a bathroom scale to dictate how I felt about my body.
I don’t need to live like that anymore.
In Case You Missed It . . .
For the last two weeks, I’ve written about my futile attempts to find a sense of worth in numbers (GPA, BMI, etc.) and the heavy toll that took on my mental health.
If you missed either of my last posts, you can catch up here:
The “numbers game” I played for over a decade was supposed to bring me a sense of value, but instead, it left me miserable and burnt out.
Because I based my worth on a set of fluctuating digits, I always came up short, no matter how hard I worked to measure up.
A 4.0 GPA wasn’t enough to give me a sense of accomplishment.
Losing twenty-two pounds in eight months wasn’t enough to make me feel beautiful.
No matter how high my grades or how low my weight, my wounded heart continued to hunger for affection. My anxious mind craved peace. My weary soul longed for stability.
I needed something that numbers could never provide. I needed immeasurable love.
Can’t Get No Satisfaction
I know full well I’m not the only one whose heart hungers for immeasurable love, nor the only one who’s dabbled in Number Games.
Spoiler Alert: They’re all rigged, guys. Trust me on this one.
Everywhere I go, I see people chasing the same things in a vain attempt to satisfy their souls.
It’s like we’re trapped in a hellish game of Snakes ‘n Ladders. No matter how fast we climb those ladders in pursuit of some promised satisfaction, we always land on a snake just before we reach 100 . . . and then we’re back to square one.
Empty-handed and broken-hearted.
As I mentioned in last week’s post, my eating disorder was a desperate cry for perfect, unfathomable, unfailing love.
And I’m not alone.
If there’s one thing I’ve observed about human nature, it’s that we are insatiable. Enough is never enough for us.
That’s why . . .
We over-indulge in our favourite comfort foods.
We get flat-out wasted instead of enjoying just one drink.
We hit up as many cuties on Tinder as we possibly can, playing the field until we find our elusive “perfect match.”
We work ourselves to the bone, cramming our schedules until we barely have time to sleep.
We spend money as fast as we earn it, governed by our impulses rather than a budget.
We jump from one relationship to the next (or stick it out way too long in a toxic one), afraid of being alone and unwanted.
We spend our entire lives scrambling for something to feed our hungry hearts. And yet, are we ever satisfied?
It seems not. Why else would we constantly be craving more?
There has to be a better way, my friends.
Love That Surpasses Knowledge
There is only one source of immeasurable love.
Love that continually satisfies every longing.
Love that, to quote the apostle Paul, surpasses our wildest dreams:
“I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power . . . to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” (Ephesians 3:17-19 NIV)
When I reflect upon all the ways God’s love has transformed my life and how desperately I want my friends to experience that same divine love, it’s enough to make me want to burst into tears.
I try to live my life in a way that magnifies God, but I falter and fail constantly. There have been countless times I have sung about the unfailing love of God on Sunday morning only to turn around and chase some other source of satisfaction throughout the week.
Not long ago, I suffered a major disappointment that left me feeling betrayed and brokenhearted. In the first few weeks that followed, I withdrew from some of my closest friends and handed my wounded heart over to God, not trusting anyone else to heal my hurt.
But before long, I was offered another source of comfort and satisfaction. The offer was tempting and seemingly innocent.
It didn’t take long, however, for this source of satisfaction to draw my mind away from God. My thoughts and desires strayed from the unfailing love of my Abba (my Heavenly Father) toward something that, though fun and exciting, could never give me what I truly craved.
When I realized what had happened, my heart was stricken with grief.
How had I so quickly traded God’s divine love for a lesser source of happiness?
In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul tells us that “no eye has seen, no ear has heard,
and no human mind has conceived . . . the things God has prepared for those who love him” (1 Cor. 2:9-10).
In a similar vein, C.S. Lewis wrote,
God designed the human machine to run on Himself. He Himself is the fuel our spirits were designed to burn, the food our spirits were designed to feed on. There is no other. That is why it is no good asking God to make us happy in our own way. . . . God cannot give us happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.1
God may bless us with many good things and many beautiful relationships, but not even the best of those will ever surpass, or even come close to, the joy of a personal relationship with him.
Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus
It’s not wrong for us to enjoy good food or fun drinks. It’s not unethical for us to work hard, pursue our passions, or spend our hard-earned money on things we’ve saved up for. It’s certainly not a bad thing to enjoy the companionship of people we love or invest in a loving, intimate relationship.
But we are asking for trouble whenever we look to any of those things—any person, any pleasure—to supply the comfort and security that only the deep, unfailing love of God provides.
In John 10:10, Jesus declared, “I have come that they—that’s us, friends—may have life and have it to the full.”
Jesus is our ultimate source of abundance and satisfaction. Nothing else compares, my friend. Nothing.
If you have not yet experienced, or fully embraced, the unfailing, immeasurable love of Christ, I cannot emphasize this enough: Nothing else compares. Nothing.
It is a love that heals every wound.
Mends every broken heart.
Satisfies every longing of the soul.
Redeems every tarnished story.
Restores every shattered dream.
Transforms every ruined life.
A love that willingly laid down his life for us, dying so we didn’t have to.
The best part?
“The LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” (Isaiah 30:18)
God extends an open invitation to all those who hunger and thirst, craving something nothing in this world can give.
Trust me when I say you don’t want to miss out on this.
“Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.” (Ps. 34:8)
C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (New York: HaperCollins, 1980), 50