The Golden Rule of Writing

Show, Don't Tell

Hey, Wordsmiths!

Would you like to see what goes on behind The Gentle Editor’s paywall?

Today’s your lucky day!

This week’s writing lesson is the perfect opportunity for you to see what a full Daughter of the King/The Gentle Editor subscription includes.

I hope you’ll take advantage of this week’s homework exercises to practice what you’re learning and connect with other like-minded creatives.

OK, now on with the show . . .

banner designed by my talented sister-in-law, Emily Walker

Show, Don’t Tell

Don’t use adjectives which merely tell us how you want us to feel about the things you are describing. . . . Don’t say it was “delightful”; make us say “Delightful!” when we’ve read the description. You see, all those words (horrifying, wonderful, hideous, exquisite) are like saying to your readers, “Please, will you do my job for me.”

~ C. S. Lewis

The #1 lesson that grad school drilled into my head was “Show; don’t tell.”

Florence Pugh and Timothée Chalamet as Amy and Laurie in Little Women (2019)

Writing is the art of painting pictures with black and white words. Persuasive writing uses vivid imagery, appealing to readers not merely through their intellect but also their emotions and sensory experiences.

If you want your writing to resonate with your readers, don’t tell them what you want them to think or feel, show them.

Compare the following two paragraphs:

It was a hot day. The sun was shining. The air was humid. I was sweating from head to toe.

I tugged at the collar of my shirt, pulling the damp cotton away from my skin. Beads of sweat trickled down my spine, pooling in the waistband of my shorts. I lifted my arms to tighten my ponytail and caught a whiff of body odor from my armpits. Ugh. A cold shower would feel good right about now—and I’d give anything for a tall, icy glass of lemonade.

Notice the difference?

Both paragraphs convey the same information: It was a hot summer day, and the narrator was covered in sweat. But the first paragraph merely states these facts, whereas the second immerses the reader in the narrator’s experience.

Compelling writing immerses readers in the protagonist’s / narrator’s experience through sensory and emotional language.

4 Ways to Cultivate the Habit of Showing vs. Telling:

1. Paint a picture for your readers. Evocative writing focuses on concrete imagery and clear, visual details.

   1. For those trained in formal, academic writing, this may require a mindset shift.

   2. Remember, storytelling isn’t really about telling. It’s about showing your readers what you want them to see, like a movie.

2. Engage your readers’ senses. Because we access the world through our senses, one of the best ways to convey an idea is through sensory details. Get under your narrator or protagonist’s skin. What’s going on for them on a somatic {physical} level?

3. Remember to activate all five senses! It’s easy to over-rely on visual details. Remember to incorporate relevant sounds, smells, tastes, and bodily sensations as well.

4. Use active verbs. As we discussed previously, avoid overusing “be” verbs such as am, are, is, and was. Use strong action verbs and descriptive nouns that convey a clear, tangible image.

   1. Review the example above. How do the sensory details and strong verbs convey the narrator’s experience?

      Hey, writers! Want more writing lessons like this one? Upgrade to a paid subscription for personalized homework exercises and access to the comments section where you can swap your work with other Kingdom-minded creatives.

Homework:

1. Read:

   1. Stein on Writing by Sol Stein, Chapter 12: “How To Show Instead of Tell” (pp. 122–128)¹

   2. “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow” by Washington Irving (available on Project Gutenberg).

2. Edit the following paragraph to incorporate more concrete imagery. Add sensory details to show the reader what the narrator is feeling and immerse them in the her experience:

I hate winter. Why did my mother convince me to go on this walk with her? It is so cold and wet out here. I hate how early it gets dark in the afternoons. The darkness and cold make me feel so depressed. The snow is so deep here in the woods. The trail is so icy, too. My mother says the fresh air and sunshine are good for me, but the cold air just makes me grumpy. I’d much rather be inside with a good book and a cup of tea.

Share your revised version in the comments section and offer feedback to at least two other writers!

OR . . .

3. Rewatch a scene from one of your favorite movies. Take notes on what the main character sees, hears, touches, smells, and/or tastes in the scene. Turn your notes into a written paragraph describing the scene from the character’s POV. Focus on the sensory details that immerse your reader in the character’s experience.

**For example, if I were doing this assignment, I would choose Darcy’s first proposal from Pride & Prejudice (2005) or the scene in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (2005) where Lucy first discovers Narnia.

Share your description of your favourite scene in the comments section without naming the movie and see if others can guess where it’s from!

1. Stein, Sol. Stein on Writing: A Master Editor of Some of the Most Successful Writers of our Century Shares His Craft Techniques and Strategies. New York: St. Martin’s Griffin, 1995.